IF YOU ARE COMING TO THE ER.......AND GENERALIZED BITCHING!

SO I UNDERSTAND BEING SICK,

BUT......BEFORE YOU GO TO AN EMERGENCY ROOM, HERE ARE A COUPLE THINGS YOU SHOULD DO OR NOT..............

WEAR APPROPRIATE CLOTHING...YOU ARE GOING TO BE ASKED TO REMOVE THEM, IF YOU ARE WEARING 6 LAYERS OF CLOTHING ALL WITH A VARIETY OF ZIPPERS BUTTONS AND 2 SIZES TOO SMALL,, IT STILL COMES OFF, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. AND IF GRANDMA CAN'T HELP HERSELF DRESS, PUT HER IN JAMMIES. AND DON'T GET MAD AT ME FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, IT IS NOT A CLINIC.....IF YOUR 2, 3 OR 4 YEAR OLD DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE CLOTHES, TOUGHSHIT,,,WHO IS THE BOSS IN THAT HOUSE? YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT CRAM YOUR 300 POUND BROTHER WITH A BROKEN LEG IN THE BACK OF A 2 DOOR FORD ESCORT AND BLAME US IF IT HURTS TO GET HIM OUT... CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE OR BORROW THE NEIGHBORS TRUCK. REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!.....

IF YOU COME IN AND THINK YOU NEED SURGERY (BROKEN BONES, APPENDICITIS ETC) DON'T EAT AT FUCKING MCDONALDS BEFORE YOU COME, YOU WON'T GET THE SURGERY AND EVERYONE WILL BE PISSED.....

SPEAKING OF FOOD, 90% OF THE PEOPLE WHO COME TO THE ER ASK FOR WATER, FOOD, BATHROOM, EXTRA PILLOWS, EXTRA BLANKETS AND A ROOM WITH A TV. WTF, THIS IS NOT THE HILTON........

IF YOU WANT DRUGS, DO BRING SOMEONE TO DRIVE YOU HOME. I WILL TAKE YOUR KEYS AWAY AND AGAIN, SOMEONE WILL BE PISSED........AND IF YOUR FAMILY MEMBER COMES TO PICK YOU UP AND HANDS YOU YOUR KEYS, I WILL CALL THE POLICE. YOU ARE DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE, DUMBASS ON THE SAME ROADS MY FAMILY DRIVES ON.....

LEAVE THE SMALL CHILDREN AT THE NEIGHBORS. YOU DON'T FEEL WELL AND LET THE LITTLE URCHIN'S PLAY ON THE FLOOR (WHERE THE LAST PERSON JUST PUKED, SHIT, PISSED, ETC) OR... THEY RUN AROUND BOTHERING EVERYONE ELSE. ....I HAVE EVEN BEEN ASKED TO 'WATCH THE KIDS FOR ME'' AND DON'T GO PICK UP GRANDMA TO 'WATCH THE KIDS IN THE WAITING ROOM'' TRUST ME SHE DOESN'T. IF GRANDMA CAN WATCH THEM, SHE CAN DO IT AT HER HOUSE.

IF YOU ARE PREGNANT AND DO NOT WANT YOUR FAMILY TO KNOW, LEAVE THEM HOME, YOUR MOTHER IS NOT RETARDED AND ABSOLUTLY KNOWS YOU ARE PREGNANT, EVEN IF WE DON'T TELL HER......

DON'T BRING YOUR WIFE WITH YOU IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING STUCK IN YOUR BUTT. SHE WILL FIND OUT, AGAIN, NOT RETARDED. YOU SHOULD ALSO WARM UP THE PEN FOR THE DIVORCE PAPERS. UNLESS SHE PUT IT THERE.....

WE ARE NOT MIND READERS, IF YOU CAN'T TALK, BRING 1 PERSON WHO CAN.......

THE ER HAS A DIFFERENT SET OF RULES THAN THE CLINICS, IF YOU INSIST ON BEING HERE WE WILL POKE YOU WITH NEEDLES, CATHETERS, ETC. CUZ WE HAVE TO, EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED THEM. YOU BRING YOUR KIDS IN FOR A MILD FEVER AND REFUSE TO GO TO THE PEDI CLINIC, THEN YOU REFUSE TO HAVE A RECTAL TEMP, IV FLUIDS , LABS, IF THE KID CAN'T PEE, WE CATH THEM. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS MAKE AN APPT AND GO TO THE CLINIC.......

DO NOT COME TO THE ER 2 HOURS BEFORE YOUR FLIGHT TO EUROPE, YOU WILL MISS YOUR FLIGHT. AGAIN PISSED AT ME????DIPSHIT.....

IF SOMEONE DARES YOU TO DRINK 24 RED BULLS OR JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE OR SOME OTHER DARWIN TYPE ACTIVITY, AGAIN NOT MY FAULT. DON'T GET MAD AT ME. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.......

THE ER IS NOT YOUR PRIMARY CARE FACILITY. WE DO NOT DO TB SCREENINGS, MED REFILLS, PREGNANCY TEST ETC. OH YES WE ACTUALLY DO THEM, BUT...YOU ARE LAST TO BE SEEN, AGAIN PISSED AT ME?

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IF YOU KNOW YOU ARE COMING TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM........WASH YOUR FUCKING CROTCH. WE KNOW. AND CAN SMELL DIRTY CROTCH FROM 10 FEET AWAY. NO AMOUNT OF PERFUME OR FDS COVERS IT, IT ADDS A FRUITY EDGE TO THE NASTY SMELL. CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR, OR LEAVE THEM OFF, (SEE ABOVE) IF YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S BEEN THERE MORE THAN 30 MIN. WE WILL KNOW AND BE PISSED. ER NURSE WILL ALSO CALL YOU ON IT, THEN YOUR PISSED, ONLY REALLY OLD/REALLY YOUNG PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH IT. AND PEOPLE WHO ARE NEAR DEATH. (WE UNDERSTAND THIS) ANYONE BETWEEN 3 AND 70, ''''''WASH YOUR CROTCH'''' IF YOU CANT REACH YOUR CROTCH, GO ON A DIET. OR ENLIST THE AIDE OF YOUR 10 FAMILY MEMBERS THAT HAVE TO LEAVE FOR EUROPE IN 2 HOURS AND DON'T WANT YOU TO HURT THEIR FAMILY MEMBER, TO HOSE IT DOWN FOR YOU.

RUDE NURSE?????I DON'T THINK SO.....WE NEED TO DEEPEN THE GENE POOL A LITTLE.